To Bring or Not To Bring (the kids), That Is The Question

Couples with young children are the largest category of second home buyers in this region. And most city buyers I work with bring their children along when they come up home shopping, framing it as a fun family outing to the country. This summer there seemed to be even more families bringing their children. After schlepping parents with kids in tow through scores of houses over the past few months, I'm starting to think that bringing the whole family is neither much fun nor much of an outing, for either the parents or the children.

Before labeling me as a grouchy crumudgeon because I'm even broaching this subject, I want to put out here that I do like kids and get along with them quite well. But I'm not sure that house shopping and children are always the perfect mix, particularly when a house shopping trip up here can entail a long, long day for families that make it a single-day round-trip from the city.

The reality is that most kids don't like house shopping at all. It's about as appealing as going to Aunt Gertrude's family birthday party at a house without toys. Some of the more inquisitive or adventurous kids do like being in the country, and can content themselves looking for frogs and worms and spiders. But many other city kids are kind of afraid of the country. (I had one exception this summer — a pre-teen boy who just loved houses and couldn't wait to see the next one. The parents and I commented that he's an architect in the making.) More often than not, the children along for the ride don't really have a very good time.

What happens when kids (particularly more than one) come along is that the children consume the lion's share of the parents' attention. Some of it is just the logistics of traveling with children — buckling in and out of car seats, doling out snacks, diaper changing and putting on shoes. When I'm showing properties to parents with children along, I adjust for that, adding about fifteen minutes extra for each house.

The bigger attention siphon for parents is organizing and managing their children at each property stop. A lot of children aren't well versed in "Don't Touch" and can go hog wild picking stuff up in a new house. Piles of other kid's toys are particularly attractive. In some cases, a parent's energy can become so totally consumed with managing the children that they have almost no attention to devote to taking in the house. Often the parents split up, one staying with the children while the other looks at the house. That's less than ideal, because they don't have the opportunity to move through the house together and discuss it with each other. It's a lost opportunity. A huge part of house shopping for a couple is the process of melding their separate ideals and honing their wish list with each house they see.

A tried and true remedy to the 'house shopping with kids' conundrum is for the Realtor to offer to stay outside and play with the kids. But quite a few parents today won't take you up on the offer, wanting to keep their children in sight at all times.

The biggest losers after a day of house shopping with the kids are typically the parents. More often than not, they're just frazzled. Sometimes they cut the trip short, having underestimated the stamina and patience of their children, or the extra energy it takes for them. And frazzled is not the best emotional state for evaluating options and making major decisions.

There are some creative options. Of course, one option is to leave the children at home, with a relative, nanny or babysitter. But that isn't always practical.

One suggestion, if parents haven't gone on a house hunting trip with their children, is to make your first trip a short one. While you may want to see 4, 5 or 6 houses or visit 4 or 5 lakes, that may be too much until you gauge the house shopping tolerance of your children. So plan a short little trip to see just a couple of houses (preferably in the morning, before you run into nap time). Pack a picnic lunch and spend the early afternoon in a park or lake before heading back to the city.

Another solution that I've seen work very well is to have one half of a couple make the first reconnaissance trip, getting in as much as possible in a single day and then narrowing it down to a short list. Then the whole family can come back up to see the houses that made the short list.

Having one parent come on a scouting trip has another advantage. When children come, we almost always caravan (with the buyers following me in their own vehicle), because most parents don't want to hassle with shifting car seats into my vehicle. So we don't have the opportunity to chat while traveling between houses. I get much less feedback when we don't drive together, and it's that feedback that's so essential to developing a real understanding of what a buyer is looking for. When I'm showing properties to adults without children in tow, they usually ride with me in m vehicle.

One of the most ideal situations I had was this past July. A family with young children planned a week's vacation here, that included some house hunting. One parent would go out with me to scout out potential houses while the other parent took the children on an adventure. Towards the end of the week, we all went out together to look at the short listed houses. Those trips were all short, just a couple of houses each, and were mini-adventures for the children.

House hunting is hard work. It can be time consuming and exhausting, and demands attention and focus. I certainly understand the desire to spend those weekend days with your children, particularly for professional couples for whom that time is precious. Most parents in the city don't take the kids along if they have to run a full day of errands (and can make some other arrangements.) Having been out with hundreds of families over the years looking at property, I've come to realize that house shopping is more akin to a day of running errands than a day at the beach. But because the 'errand running' work of house shopping is up here in the country, where there are lakes, rivers, frogs and cows, that line between a fun family day and a work day gets blurred.

Comments

[Bix]

Bringing small kids to summer houses is equally hellish. Ruined our July 4 holiday.

I hate to sound like an old fart, but I think that parents nowadays let kids run their families.

[Dede]

You are a wise man. Most times I'm sure its the lack of availability of childcare at the weekends plus if both spouses are working, the idea of leaving the kids with someone else is anathema. You don't get to see them enough anyway.

On the point of caravanning, why not have one of the parents drive with you and have the other parent follow. At least you can take the temeperature of one of the decision-makers.

[Julia]

Kids are definitely running the show these days. No question.